“Networking” has always seemed like such a dirty word to me. When I left for college to study journalism, the advice from everyone in my life was, “Go network; make connections!” Throughout my time at the University of Missouri, I never stopped hearing about the Mizzou Mafia, a network of Mizzou journalism grads working around the world.

I’ve always understood the value of being a well-connected person and having a network, but the steps in that process felt a little icky to me. Should I stay after the end of this speech and try to get the speaker’s contact information? What do I have to offer them? Should I be setting up meetings with journalism faculty? Tweeting at writers and editors? Adding everyone in my class on Facebook? Do I really want to be forming relationships with a goal in mind?

The idea of networking stressed me out so much that I actively avoided it. Meet and greet with the new dean? Nope. Speed-networking event in the J-school lounge? Bye. Co-worker helping launch a cool startup? Never bring it up in conversation. I was so focused on being an authentic person who stood on her own merit that I totally missed the heart of networking.

I’ve now graduated and moved away from the journalism hotspot of Columbia, Missouri. And guess what? I have a network. I have connections. But they aren’t at all what I thought they’d be.

It turns out, all of my friends are insanely talented people who have naturally gone on to work at insanely cool places. It’s not a matter of maintaining a relationship with someone until you need a favor. It’s more like watching your friends be successful across different fields and texting them when you have a question about how Broadway lotteries or 401(k)s work. It’s a beautiful cobweb of mentors and mentees, of smart people with great ideas, of savvy #millennials looking to make the world the best it can be.

What I’ve learned is this: you don’t find your network. Your network finds you. My contact list isn’t a carefully curated list of people I think are going to hit it big in 2020. It’s a cozy little cohort of passionate, like-minded young professionals eager to help and be helped. People who won’t hesitate to connect you with a friend, send you a job listing or act as your personal career counselor at 1 a.m. on a Tuesday. These friends of mine are pretty fantastic. This world’s pretty darn friendly if you know where to look.